The Man in the Mirror Blog

There is a God we want, and there is a God who is. They are not the same God. The turning point of our lives is when we stop seeking the God we want, and start seeking the God who is.

Ten Ways to Really Love a Woman

Note: This is an excerpt from my new book Man Alive. I wrote Man Alive because I'm tired of watching men go to events, get all amped up, charge out determined to do better, soar briefly, then glide (or crash) back to earth. In my experience these men are deeply frustrated that they can't sustain the change. It doesn't have to be that way. So what's going on? There are seven primal needs that, when met God's way, can stop the spiritual roller coaster. If you know a man like that, or if that's you, order a copy of Man Alive today and let me walk you through a process to become "alive through Christ" (Eph 2:4-5). Or start a small group to discuss the questions at the end of each chapter.

No need is more primal than to love and be loved without reservation. I've been married to Patsy for 39 years and I love her more today than the day we married. I mentioned this to a single female lab tech yesterday and she wanted to know the "secret." I told her several practical ideas, but at the end I said, "We're Christians and each of us have given Jesus the first place in our lives. When Christ is first, everything else just seems to fall into place." I watched as comprehension slowly spread across her face.

God was glorified on Saturday, February 18 as we held a luncheon to commission the first 18 Man in the Mirror Area Directors. They just completed their initial week of training. Many of their wives also attended. Their unbridled joy, determination, and sense of calling turned it into a celebration. We're at the front end of a goal to mobilize 330 AD's over the next 2 years so that every church in America can have access to a consultant to help them more effectively disciple men. - Patrick Morley

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Act Like a Man!

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

This week, guest speaker Brett Clemmer examines what Paul had to say about Biblical manhood. Using 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, Brett gives us Paul's criteria: Vigilance, Faith, Courage, Strength & Love. Paul's encouragement to "act like men"  challenges us to step up and lead boldly and lovingly.

Come and be encouraged.

Warmly in Christ,

Pat Morley 

"For every church to disciple every man" 

Facebook: www.Facebook.com/PatrickMorleyAuthor
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@patrickmorley
Email: patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org
www.ManAliveBook.com
www.areadirectors.org

www.maninthemirror.org

Men’s Statistics Gathered by Man in the Mirror (with sources)

• 113,000,000 men in America 15 years of age and older.[1]
• 69,000,000 of these men make no profession of faith in Christ.[2]
• Only 6,000,000 men are involved in discipleship or spiritual formation—1in 18 men. Imagine putting a football team on the field, and only one player had studied the playbook.[3]
• As many as 70% of men seek out pornography.
• As many Christians will divorce as non-Christians (34% vs. 33% according to Barna).
• 40% to 50% of recent marriages will end in divorce according to the United States Census Bureau.[4]
• 4 out of 5 students in evangelical churches will drop out of church by their senior year in high school (Howard Hendricks).
• We have become a fatherless nation. 33%[5] of the 72 million children in America will go to bed tonight without their biological father in the home.
• 73% of households with children under 18 headed by married couples (vs. 91% in 1960); 27% households headed by single parents.[6]
• Nuclear families comprise less than 23.5% of households.[7]
• 40% of Busters raised by divorced or separated parents.[8]
• More than 50% children born in 1990s spend part childhood in single parent home.[9] [10]
• Two years after a divorce only 53% of children see their non-custodial parent on a monthly basis. Ten years after the divorce on 28% have monthly contact. [11]
• 66% children born in America will not live with both biological parents through the age of eighteen.[12]
• 62% mothers with children under three employed. 72% mothers with children under 18 hold jobs. Therefore, 59% of kids come home to an empty house. Nobody is home! 80% of woman’s salary goes to work-related costs, an expensive hobby.[13]
• · In one 25 year study, 40% of children from divorced homes never married (vs. 16% intact families).[14] 
• · Fatherless children are 5 times as likely to live in poverty, repeat a grade, and have emotional problems.[15] 

• 93% of all people incarcerated are men, and 85% of them have no father figure. Prison worker Bill Glass says that of the thousands of prisoners he has met in 25 years of service, not one of them genuinely loved their dad. [16]
• 50% of children from broken homes have not seen their father in over a year.
•  One third of all babies born to unmarried women (vs. 3.8% in 1940).[17] 

• The United States leads the world in single parent families.[18]
• Church attendance by generations: 50% Builders, 43% Boomers, 28% Busters.[19]
• According to surveys by Religion in American Life, only 2% or 3% of people attended Church because of advertising, while 85% went after being invited by a friend or relative.
• Church consultant Carl George explains that every trained group leader results in ten new people in the church. This alone is ample reason to develop a relationship-based ministry to men. (Theology and Philosophy of Ministry)
• "Seventy percent of all people who become Christians do so by the age of eighteen." --Barna Research Group
• 45% of men live with children.[20]
• According to surveys by Religion in American Life, only 2% or 3% of people  attended Church because of advertising, while 85% went after being invited by a friend or relative.
• The AARP recently released (June 2004) a study that indicated divorces after age 40 are initiated by women 66% of the time. The top three reasons for women were: physical or emotional abuse (23 percent), drug and alcohol abuse (18 percent) and infidelity (17 percent). Men said they sought divorces because they fell out of love (17 percent), they had different values or lifestyles (14 percent) or infidelity (14 percent).
• Interesting/valuable sources for statistics on men:

1. http://religions.pewforum.org/
2. http://barna.org/
3. http://www.census.gov/

Note: Man in the Mirror encourages its constituents to use statistics that have well-researched sources only.  Unfortunately, there are statistics being used today in Christendom that are not based on solid research. An example of this is the percentage of families who will attend church if the child/mother/father attends first. No primary source exists for this oft-reported statistic. Just remember, 37% of all statistics are made up…Or is it 49%...  Man in the Mirror, March 25, 2008

Here's the next story about Jesus we're exploring at the Man in the Mirror Bible.... (link)

The Profile of a Humble Man

Luke 14:1-14

Increasing our maturity in Jesus is why we meet. But today we come to a very stubborn part of that maturing process: our pride and self-interest. In today's verses, a few religious leaders eat dinner with Jesus. After observing their behavior, he calls them to a whole new way of thinking about rank and privilege. He also calls them to look out for those who can't give them anything in return. Is that your norm? Or does it seem out of reach? It may be easier than you think. Join us and learn how.

Come and be encouraged. I promise not to beat you up! ? It's going to be a great day!

Warmly in Christ,

Pat Morley 

"For every church to disciple every man"

PS: Let me know if you need help at patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org.

Man in the Mirror: Serving Pastors, Training Leaders, Transforming Men. Until every church disciples every man. 

Legend says that Valentine was imprisoned, where he fell in love with
the jailer’s daughter. Just before his execution he wrote her a love
letter and signed it, “From your Valentine.”

The English popularized Valentine’s Day in the 1700s. Americans picked up on this and began exchanging handmade valentines. Printed Valentines first appeared in America around 1840. Valentine’s Day is the 2nd largest day for greeting cards (after Christmas), and women purchase 85% of all valentine cards (History Channel, retrieved December 10, 2003).

Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers. My mom and dad were married on Valentine’s Day. My wife and I were married on the Saturday closest to Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day presents a perfect opportunity to invest in your marriage. Here’s a plan to make Valentine’s Day special for you and your wife. First, though, let’s review some reasons why it’s worth investing the effort….

A DIFFERENT WAY TO THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE

Family systems thinker Edwin Friedman wrote how successful a marriage can be. He said, “In reality, no human marriage gets a rating of more than 70%” (Friedman, Generation to Generation, 1985, p. 69).

In other words, even the most successful marriage will only be symptom-free about 70% of the time. Patsy, my wife, and I both think we have a great marriage. We talked this 70% thing over, and it makes sense to us. You could think, “Is that as good as it gets?” But a better thought would be, “Wow, maybe my marriage is better than I thought!” If you will dwell on this 70% number, I think in time you will be encouraged by it.

Why just 70%? It’s the flesh. We see each other through the veil of our sinful natures. It takes grace to make a marriage work. No person is ideal. Our wives can be controlling, neglectful, strong-willed, pouters, unexpressive, unappreciative, and on and on. So can we. That’s why Valentine’s Day can be such a helpful, healing time…a time to raise the stakes for your marriage and help it become what God has called it to be.

THE BIG PICTURE ON MARRIAGE

Here are some remarks adapted from the Introduction of my book for wives, Understanding Your Man in the Mirror….

1. Marriage is a good thing. Marriage blesses. Marriage is that mysterious, spiritual fusion of two lives headed in two directions into one flesh.

2. All relationships are difficult, especially marriage. Florence Littauer has said, “We are attracted to marry each other’s strengths, and then go home to live with each other’s weaknesses.” Two people rubbing against each other are bound to create some friction. Love is the glue that holds us together, and the oil that keeps us from rubbing each other the wrong way.

3. Virtually all men believe that they are, or have been, a difficult husband to live with. Most likely, many regrets haunt your husband. He knows he has been difficult. Yet, he wants to make up the years he robbed from you.

4. Most men have it in their hearts to do the right thing. Based on hundreds of surveys and thousands of interviews I would say the overwhelming conclusion is this: Most men really do want to do the right thing. Men deeply love their wives. Along the way they have bought into a few ideas that knocked them off balance, but their hearts are good.

WHERE ARE YOU TODAY?

Take this self-test about where your marriage stands today…

I believe marriage is a good thing.
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

My marriage is difficult.
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

My marriage is difficult because I have been difficult to live with.
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

I want to do better and make my marriage right.
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

I’m encouraged that “no human marriage gets a rating of more than 70%.”
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

My marriage needs my immediate attention.
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

I need to be the one to take responsibility for investing in my marriage.
[ ] Completely [ ] Mostly [ ] Somewhat Disagree

THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT

The most powerful marriage concept I’ve run across is “The Emotional Bank Account.” Every wife has an Emotional Bank Account into which we make deposits and from which we make withdrawals. Basically, every time we interact with our wives, whether verbal or non-verbal, we are either making a deposit or a withdrawal.

For example, you’ve had a rough day. Come home, slam door, expel loud grunt simulating a large zoo animal, plop down in chair, turn on TV, bury nose in paper…. Is this a deposit or a withdrawal from your wife’s Emotional Bank Account? Okay, you get the picture.

Now let’s say the following morning you feel terrible for being such a bum the night before, so you take your wife coffee in bed. That would be a deposit, right? So you see how this works.
One more example. Non-verbal communication counts. Say your child had a spat with another child in the neighborhood. Your wife has been working the situation all afternoon. After dinner she wants to talk. You cross your arms, frown, and stare out the window. See how this works?

Here’s the big idea: After a few years, a lot of wives end up empty. Their Emotional Bank Accounts have been depleted. Why? Too many withdrawals, not enough deposits. This is not merely a “cute idea,” but is the Continental Divide between those marriages that make it and those that don’t. Remember above I mentioned that wives and husbands can be “controlling, neglectful, strong-willed, pouters, unexpressive, or unappreciative.” Withdrawals like that, without a plan to make deposits, will eventually destroy a marriage.

Valentine’s Day presents an opportunity to a) make a mega-deposit and b) renew yourself to be a “depositer” into her account.

THE 7 STEP MEGA DEPOSIT

Here’s a 7 step suggestion to make this Valentine’s Day a Mega Deposit into your wife’s Emotional Bank Account.

Step 1: The Ask. At least 10 days before Valentine’s Day, ask your wife for a Valentine’s date. It’s important to ask well in advance so it doesn’t seem “last minute” to her. Make it special: write a handwritten note, make a poster, hire a skywriter, get a banner made, a note in a bottle, use your imagination!

Step 2: The List. At least 7 days before Valentine’s Day, start a list of all the things you appreciate about your wife. Be creative!

Step 3: The Note. At least 3 days before the big date, send your wife a handwritten note telling her how much you are looking forward to your special date.

Step 4: The Flowers. On the big day, send her flowers with a mushy note.

Step 5: The Date. Pick a romantic restaurant (be sure to make a reservation in advance). Go up a notch on your normal price range. After dinner pull out your “List” of things you appreciate and tell her each item, slowly, with embellishment. Give her a Valentine’s Card you make or purchase.

Step 6: The Gift. Chocolate is a traditional favorite, but keep your antenna up for hints. Maybe your wife would like some Starbucks coffee, a gift certificate to her favorite bookstore, or some warm pajamas.

Step 7: The Follow Up. The day after your date, write your wife another handwritten note telling how much you enjoyed your date and why.

MINISTRY LEADER IDEAS AND APPLICATION…

Give a copy of “A Man’s Guide To Valentine’s Day” to all the men in your church
If you are a pastor, incorporate ideas from this article into a worship service and sermon.
Urge members of your small group to make Valentine’s Day special. Share ideas and hold one another accountable.

Consider a Bible study focused on “love.” Compare the characteristics you find to the reality of your marriage. What steps might you take?

ALM 110 wriiten by Patrick Morley.  Patrick Morley helps men think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. © 2003. Patrick Morley. All rights reserved.

FUEL starts this week! Please join us in prayer for revival. And, that Jesus would renew, encourage, inspire, equip and transform men.

In our passage, someone asks Jesus, "Are only a few people going to be saved?" Great question! Join us as we answer the question.... ( link)

Who Will Pass Through the Narrow Door?

Luke 13:22-35

Chicago journalist Peter Finley Dunne once wrote that the purpose of a newspaper is to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." Jesus, too, uses this dual approach. Sometimes he compassionately speaks words that calm his anxious sheep-like the last two lessons. Other times-like in this lesson-he doesn't shrink from creating disturbing images to "afflict the comfortable."

How does this apply to you today? Join us and find out how you can take this passage to heart. Find out how you can make a difference in a world where it seems like everyone is already sure they're going to heaven.
It's going to be a great day!

Warmly in Christ,

Pat Morley 

"For every church to disciple every man" 

PS: Let me know if you need help at patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org.

www.maninthemirror.org

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. - Col 2:8

Today’s passage reminds us that the process of renewing our minds through Scripture is not without opposition. Other voices try to gain a hearing with deceptive philosophies and traditions. Jesus met a group of synagogue leaders whose questions revealed their focus on details without allowing God to change their hearts and minds. Jesus told them, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God” (Matthew 22:29). Jesus’ reply illuminates two things that stand in the way of Biblical transformation. We either lack the Scriptural knowledge, or we lack the ability to act upon it.

I’ve interviewed many godly men and women, and I found every one of them had a love relationship with God that came from steeping themselves in God’s holy Word. The Bible is both the knowledge and power of God. We are transformed as we experience the residue of communion with the Living Word, which brings sinners into the power and presence of the Almighty God. We don’t have to micro-manage transformation. Just be with God. MIMBS 6

Daily Reading: Exodus 28:1-43, Matthew 25:31-26:13, Psalm 31:9-18 ,Proverbs 8:12-13

Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. As a result, many of them believed … Acts 17:11-12

Most of us will not invest regular time in Bible reading if we do not understand and appreciate its purpose. I have two reasons for committing to a regular time of study. The first is communion with God. I enjoy discovering new things about God’s character and His desire and purpose. As these things are revealed to me, I feel like I know Him better and love Him more. I also read so I can mature in my ability to distinguish right from wrong, and in my ability to choose what I know to be right. I am striving to reach a point where I don’t own my Bible, but rather it owns me.

One thing that helps me stick to this regular commitment is that I’ve set aside a specific time. Early morning works best for me. I get up, pour a cup of coffee, and then sit in a comfortable chair where I won’t be distracted. Knowing the purpose of my reading helps me plan for it and stay committed to the task. MIMBS 5

The next segment in our Hanging Out With Jesus series is now available ( link)

How Jesus Treats His Friends, and Why

John 11:1-44

The reformer, St. Teresa of Avila, once complained to Jesus about the hostility and gossip that surrounded her. Jesus responded, "Teresa, that's how I treat my friends."

Teresa said, "Then no wonder you have so few friends."

Many odd things happen when we start hanging out with Jesus. Sure, we know him so much better. We realize we are the objects of his affection and sacrifice. We also start to see that we are pawns on his chessboard-instruments of his glory. And we also see that he doesn't do "all" the work of restoration-he leaves a lot of it up to us. To be his friend is to be his servant.

Join us for a humbling glimpse of his deep love for us, and an inspiring vision for how you fit into his larger plans to restore the world to its former glory. It's going to be a great day!

Warmly in Christ,

Pat Morley 

"For every church to disciple every man"

PS: Let me know if you need help at patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org.

Maturity in Jesus is a stubborn mission. Yesterday my heart was troubled. I went to God. He showed me a good thing that I had unwittingly let become an idol. I repented. Is there no end to this? No, not in this life. "In but not of" means Jesus doesn't want to take us out of the world; He wants to take the world out of us. He's not just giving us abundant life; He's making us holy. PS: Heart working just fine today. Reminder to self: Be sure to thank Him for intervening right away.

Patrick Morley on fb

"Know thyself," say the great philosophers. Better: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" (Psalm 139:23-24). Lord, my heart is so deceitful that the only way I will ever know myself is by asking for your help, so I'm asking. Amen.

Cross Post - Patrick Morley on fb

Today we continue with our Hanging Out With Jesus series for 2012  ( link)

Jesus Was Not a Good Man, and Not Everyone Is Going to Heaven

John 10:11-42

Every time you make a fan, you make an enemy. That's just life. So the more fans you have, the more enemies. If you don't like that idea, then don't try to build a big Facebook or Twitter footprint, because you're bound to turn a lot of people off. Ask Jesus. He was, and is, the most polarizing figure in history. But Jesus was not merely a good man trying to do good things. He was the Good Shepherd who sacrificed his life to save his sheep. But not everyone is his sheep. Join us as we see how Jesus clarifies the confusion and hostility over his identity and mission. And make sure you have the right answer to the only question that really matters.

Come and be encouraged! It's going to be a great day!

Warmly in Christ,

Pat Morley 

"For every church to disciple every man"

PS: Let me know if you need help at patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org.

www.maninthemirror.org

ALM #202 © 2012. Man in the Mirror. All rights reserved. This article may be reproduced for non-commercial ministry purposes with proper attribution.